so what does it all mean anyway?

My. Brain. Hurts. I really really need to get some sensible results from the modeling part of my project, preferably by Tuesday, and even more preferably by Sunday night, so I can start writing it up all nice and neat by the end of the week. I spent half of this week trying to figure out what the best approach was (after several months of approaches that just didn't match up right) and finally found one that was giving me the best curve-fits I've ever found. I was thrilled and amazed at how good the curves looked, and continued to fit them for different parameters to get a nice relationship between two variables. After a whole day of this, by which time I've become a complete expert/professional/robot at clicking through to extract and plot this data, I compile the final results (thus far) and plot them on a single graph. Only to find that they are so crazily sloped that they certainly do not match with intuition! My advisor will definitely frown to see this, and I'd better come up with a GOOD explanation BEFORE I meet him next week. Nothing hand-wavy will do. I am still convinced that my curve-fits are correct, beautiful really. But now I have to explain them. Wahh! I've stared at this for so long that my head is full of jell-o and the laws of physics seem backwards. I'm not even sure which way backwards is. But I need to get this figured out! Will a cookie solve my problems? ....um. *shifty eyes*

In other news, wtf is up with the snow this morning? Are the powers that be trying to kill me? With despair? Please let spring arrive so all the crocuses can bloom happily! Crocuses have always been my favorite - I remember we used to have them at our old house in NY, blooming by the tiny evergreen tree in the front yard. Delicate purple stripes. I have a few tulip bulbs stuck in my freezer, because I had nowhere to plant them outside during winter, and I'm just waiting for the right moment to extract them and poke them into a trough of dirt in the mud room. Yes, in the mud room, and not outside where my arch nemesis, Mr. Squirrel, will immediately dig them up and chomp on them. Last time he left the half-chewed bulb on my front step, just to taunt me.

let me go, she said

I'm seriously trying to make this happen. I feel like I'm a little bit insane for believing it can be done, but I'd never finish at all if I didn't create my own deadlines and make a push for the end. I scheduled my last committee meeting, and I'm making thesis-writing my top priority right now. Hopefully it will not majorly curtail my ability to work out, but at least I won't have a 6-hour hockey commitment every weekend. I'll miss hockey, to be sure, but I really need that extra time right now. Not only time from not playing every week, but also from not having to find a goalie, process ref payments, figure out logistics. I need this thesis to be done! Thankfully, my advisor is a fan of concise writing, and I am shooting for no more than 150 pages of thesis. With lots of figures, because pictures speak more concisely than words. True? True.

When I'm sitting in front of my computer all day, toggling between windows, adjusting axes and typing sentences, it makes me incredibly antsy and I feel like snacking constantly. It takes serious willpower to say no to the slice of frosted lemon bread when I'm getting a coffee, and to eat only my healthy snacks brought from home. Otherwise in 2 months I will have 150 pages and maybe 15 more lbs. Nobody wants that. This is also exactly why I can't sacrifice going to the gym for this thesis. I think when I studied for quals, I spent all my time either studying, sleeping, or working out. No sacrificing health for career!

The weather is getting just warm enough to make everyone excited for the approach of spring. The sun is out, but it's still barely 50 degrees outside. The tulips and daffodils are poking through the dirt, which makes me beyond anxious for winter to really end. But you never know in Boston - it could snow a couple inches tomorrow. It's happened before.